Season 3 Episode 13: Money Mindsets, Big Dreams and Savings Stress
You’ve heard us talk about the importance of money stories before, but in this episode we REALLY break it down for you – sharing why they matter, how they drive our behaviour, and opening up about how our own upbringings shaped our personal money stories.
Whether you realise it or not, your money beliefs are influencing every decision you make – and how big you dare to dream when it comes to your life and finances.
In this episode, we cover:
How a recent exciting work trip got us thinking differently about what’s possible – and the ways our families brought us back down to reality
The importance of challenging yourself and changing your behaviour to get a different outcome
What to do if you feel like you’re just not building your savings
Why you need to know your numbers to create a real plan
The TMC view on how our money beliefs shape our behaviour – and how to better understand yourself
Mel and Darlene’s personal money stories, and how they’ve shaped their attitudes and decisions throughout their lives
We hope that by talking openly about our own money stories (and encouraging you to chat to others about yours), we can collectively break down the shame, stigma and ego around money.
At the end of the day, your story is trying to keep you safe – but you have the choice to keep the parts that are serving you and release the parts that aren’t.
We hope you enjoy this episode – and in the spirit of uplifting financial wellbeing across Australia, we’d love it if you'd share it with someone who’d benefit from it.
ABOUT THE MONEY COLLECTIVE PODCAST
Financial Wellbeing with The Money Collective brings together the stories and experiences of working with thousands of Australians when it comes to money, this is no holds barred, honest podcast. Darlene and Mel have been working in banking and finance for over 50 years and break down the barriers that we face everyday when it comes to our relationships, families and finances.
READY TO GO ON THE JOURNEY OF FINANCIAL WELLBEING?
Know your cost of living by listing your expenses with our handy spending review spreadsheet: https://www.themoneycollective.com.au/resources
Book a time with us to ask questions and talk all things financial wellbeing, home loans, and more. Email team@themoneycollective.com.au
Take action and uplift your own level of financial wellbeing with our online course: https://www.themoneycollective.com.au/onlinecourse
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Welcome to The Money Collective podcast. We're here to uplift your Financial Wellbeing. Your host, Mel Pearce and Darlene Neu. We are the co-founders of The Money Collective, and together we have 50 years of finance and banking experience where we provide the tools, information and guidance to better understand your money and feel confident making money decisions.
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Hey, listeners. Here's Darlene, a middle back for a new podcast episode today. We are talking about if you feel like you can't get ahead and you just want to build savings. So but before we start on that, let's tell about our truth. What's going on for you?
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Oh, gosh. Okay. Me? Well, you and I have just had a few days away and it's been really great. We got away from the normal running of our business. And just so you know, they're running our business is very we say we do so many customer calls, We're talking to people. And we are very calendar's are full. So we decided to go to Brisbane for a couple of days to do a trade show, still work and it was an amazing couple of days away saying you people go learning new things and it was a great opportunity for you and me to get our heads into like a new space where you are banking and elevated.
00:01:28:17 - 00:01:53:10
So it was amazing coming back and going, Oh my gosh, all the new ideas and we're on a bit of a high. And then we got back in last night and I started, you know, on that buzz, I'm at home with my family. And then the actual example is I'm sitting there, it's the middle of winter, and I've been thinking this for a while.
00:01:53:10 - 00:02:12:09
And I said my son and my husband were in the loungeroom. And I said, Do we have under floor insulation? Pretty sure. Yeah. Answer: The answer's no. By the way, do not. And I'm like, Why don't we have this? And my husband just goes, It's $10,000.
00:02:12:11 - 00:02:13:04
Don't have the money.
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Yeah, pretty much. And I'm like, Oh, okay. And then straightaway, I was like, Oh, you know, if we had the money, would redo a bathroom, which is, you know, in need of at night lets the onus is on the to do with, you know.
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Lots of things on the.
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To do list at home at never ending. And it was just like it was because you and me we have been so inspired we're thinking big the places we can take our business, the thought patterns and understanding to get go big places, you have to think big. Mm hmm. And so there's two we were talking about that there's two ways that you can think about money or live your life around money.
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It's like option one, you can live and earn money to pay your bills.
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Mm hmm. That's belief. Is that.
00:03:07:13 - 00:03:39:12
Right? Mike, how about. Yeah. And I think we talk about that a lot with our podcast. Working with means. What? You've gone. Mm hmm. Or the you can work to create something bigger. Mm hmm. Right. So a totally different mindset of what you're trying to achieve. And then that experience just kind of like, just, you know, like feeling like it kind of brought me down, like, because I was feeling like anything's possible.
00:03:39:12 - 00:03:53:03
And now, you know, because I just wanted him to go. Yeah, yeah. Cool, cool. We're on the list. But, like, sometimes you can't see the outcomes or you can't see or everything feels hard, like it's a feeling. And it's very linked to our beliefs.
00:03:53:06 - 00:04:23:00
Yes, Yes. It's the lightbulb moment because my choice today is exactly, well, not exactly the same. So I was going to go the same place. It's it's actually how strong a belief systems are ruling out outcomes or you know, in what and I talking about is keeping us small because if we think small and that similar belief, then we are in small.
00:04:23:00 - 00:04:37:17
Not bad. You know, I just want to say that it depends on what you want and what your vision is for your life. Yeah. So our vision is to, you know, be known as the financial wellbeing.
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We often.
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Will be. That's what we're talking about when we're away.
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Ryan is a statement.
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We offer our financial wellbeing. You know, we're doing this in a very different way and we want, we want the world to know about it so we can uplift financial wellbeing and actually move the dial and help people might change. And to do that, if we are a small business with those small thinking around what's possible, that's all.
00:05:05:22 - 00:05:08:19
That's possible. That's right. So that's the point.
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You act the way that you believe.
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Right. So and I felt the same. I come home last night and even hooded in my language. So we're up there thinking we've been a salt rock, We're going to read some books on it. We got some mindset books were reading and oh, makes so much sense. I feel like I've had a light bulb go off, which is fabulous, and the light bulb is the disconnect about I've always wanted it, but saying believing it are two different things, or what's holding you back and what's holding you back is that thinking at home and always the same.
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Even this morning we were talking about I'd lock in your bedroom slate and replace the carpets and, you know, I saved all that money.
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Came up for me a month ago.
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You know what my response was? You know, just chatting with my my mum's over at the moment, and Lily, my daughter and Denis were sitting and I said, Oh, well, we've got the time and money. Yeah. And then he like was replying that yeah. In my head.
00:06:15:07 - 00:06:24:03
And it wasn't. Can I just ask like when you said you would like those things and it may be time for an update. Yeah. Were you expecting it to happen this weekend.
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No. Or another update of the stuff.
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So because when those things happen to me, it's not like I'm saying I want under-floor insulation next month. Yeah, but it's like, can we. It's the way it's the approach of it. If we know that if it's a priority for the family or things like that, it might be on the to do list or it might go in there and then you might feel inspired and then you're more likely to do it, right?
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Right. Oh yeah. Haven't done that. Instead of the knock down. No Count doesn't.
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Did. That's how it felt.
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Right. And then it's like you knock that one down and sink the thought. Yeah, but if you don't think the thoughts you've got nowhere to go yet.
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Right. Or even in that belief when I said that we've got time the money my belief.
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Is that it's just not going.
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To happen any time soon. Right.
00:07:05:23 - 00:07:07:15
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:07:17 - 00:07:19:07
But, but that's a belief. Yeah. It's like it does it, you know, if, if it was hard enough priority and we really want to do it and you focussed on it and you went for it. Yeah it would happen.
00:07:19:07 - 00:07:43:20
That's right. And so you come up against other people's beliefs. I mean we're not a million times that. Oh yes you do lifetime. You do as constantly. Right. And it's how we navigate and we try to protect other people's feelings. It's a very emotional way of living your life. And and we carry that with us, right? Yeah. Instead of just it being a factor of fear or comment or this or that or yes or no or how are we going to plan for?
00:07:43:22 - 00:08:13:05
That's it. I think the key is to be more conscious about what your mind is actually saying and how that how that connects to your goals and whether or not you think you can achieve them. And I suppose that's the message I'm leaving with you today. And certainly the message that I've taken away from our few days out means is to challenge those goals and whether I think we can achieve them and yeah, and actually.
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How hard you figure out.
00:08:14:19 - 00:08:33:20
Bigger goals for us, you know, and I think at the back I've always said bigger goals but on behaving in how to get there not to reach them Yeah that's that's the light bulb it's like yeah that's never going to get there That, that's it. But you know, you know.
00:08:33:22 - 00:08:35:19
Yeah. Yeah. You're as small as.
00:08:35:19 - 00:08:59:20
You as you want to be. All you want to be. Oh, in, in a financial wellbeing sense is if you're exactly what Mel says, if you're thinking you're living life just to make ends meet and have fun for today and you know that's what you'll do if you think you know, you know, whatever your goals are and whatever you push for is where it will go.
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That's right.
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Because then you need to think about, well, what is my pathway realistic? And if it's not realistic to that goal, how much do you want that goal and how much are you willing to shift and change in a nutshell?
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In a nutshell.
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Otherwise, the goal is fine.
00:09:18:23 - 00:09:40:14
Yes. The other thing in our relationships, especially at home, it's you kind of do this, and if you don't put yourself out there and test the water dip, Otto in, so to speak, and say, Hey, you want a new bed setting or a new underfloor insulation, whatever the thing might pay for you, then you don't know. Can't your shaming what the other person's going to think?
00:09:40:14 - 00:09:56:11
So if you assume that you're going to get the response like we did, then you might not even bother saying anything. But by us saying something which blocks the thought that maybe they're going to come along straight away, but at least it's going to stop that conversation.
00:09:56:11 - 00:09:58:07
Definitely. Yeah, that's right.
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And he might not have even thought that I was cold because he wasn't cold or whatever it was like. It's actually simply how comfortable your bed is because, you know, you've had your mattress for 20 years. I don't know.
00:10:09:00 - 00:10:21:23
Exactly. It's exactly like bed, isn't it? It's like, Yeah, it does. Even saying things out loud can spark, you know, the next conversations, goals, pathway.
00:10:21:23 - 00:10:26:18
How are we going to support each other? What's important to you no matter how silly the thing that's it.
00:10:26:20 - 00:10:42:20
Beliefs are everything. If you can challenge yourself in the moment, whatever's going on is what is my belief or what belief is driving that, you know? Yeah, yeah. So I'm sure we'll demand beliefs as time goes on because.
00:10:42:20 - 00:11:10:09
We're going to do more today. So but it's you should get there. We want to chat about this concept of like because again, we're having all these conversations with people all the time. We come across these recurring kind of patterns that we're hearing or sayings from people that we're talking to. And a really common one that we hear quite often is that I just am not building my savings like I just feeling like I can't get ahead with where I'm at right now.
00:11:10:09 - 00:11:28:22
Things are kind of going. It's very linked to what we just see in our examples of harm. It's like, where is that savings for the thing or whatever those goals are and how do we make that happen? So that's why. What are your thoughts on that, darling?
00:11:29:01 - 00:11:39:00
Well, there's a lot of like taking beliefs out of it for a second. You really need to understand your numbers.
00:11:39:02 - 00:11:40:08
Just let's just do the easy part first. Said this before, right? And we will keep doing it because it is a critical component. If you are acting on, you know, you don't really know your numbers and it just goes and I don't I just magically want it to be better. It won't happen. So the first thing is getting it down on paper and understanding your cash flow, income in, income out and what is left over, what can I change and what is my number left over?
00:12:08:23 - 00:12:10:04
What am I spending it on?
00:12:10:05 - 00:12:46:11
And then I can choose where I put that number, right? So I can choose on discretionary. I can build savings. However, it depends on your number and where you starting point is, is maybe you know what that picture is because if you once you've looked at how much cost of living is and and that's all you earned, and it might be really difficult to build savings off the back of that in the current if I keep going exactly the way I am, it might be really difficult you might find when you do that exercise and you know, you might have lots of money left over, but it's, you know, it hasn't got you have some purpose for that money.
00:12:48:07 - 00:12:49:05
Yes.
00:12:49:06 - 00:12:55:15
So understanding that picture first and what levers you've got to pull.
00:12:55:15 - 00:13:19:14
Yeah. With all your money, I just want to that makes me think though, like how does this even start there? Like if we're in this kind of pattern where we're kind of doing life, but the savings aren't happening, Like, that's a feeling and it can make you feel I'm not great. Oh, so we talk about money, personalities quite a lot.
00:13:19:14 - 00:13:36:09
And so I would say that this is probably linked to the spender personality, possibly more so if it's working out like what you just said about the financial position. Right. Because it could be just linked that there's no money left over in the financial promotion, which means there's no opportunity or save.
00:13:36:10 - 00:13:38:16
Then you might be doing the very best you can do.
00:13:38:16 - 00:13:59:15
Because you're you're you've got limited income, which is taken up by living costs. Or it could be a debt that you're paying off, which is eating into some of your money. So we're paying off debt instead of savings. Yeah. So the money's kind of allocated for you and there's not much left over. If there's anything left over, it might be able to be saved, but it might be used also for an emergency.
00:13:59:15 - 00:14:09:22
So it comes and goes, right. But what we're talking about is if there's opportunity to be saving and it's not happening, is that the way we to be?
00:14:09:22 - 00:14:10:10
Yeah, but.
00:14:10:10 - 00:14:36:20
The dial, right. And so where when where there's opportunity to save but it's still not happening could be linked to your money personality you and either one that comes up is the spender and spender is somebody who is usually a very generous person, loves living life is out and about, you know, buying things at the shops. If you've got kids, they might be in tow.
00:14:36:20 - 00:14:59:06
And Mum, can I have this or Dad, can I have this? Yep, no worries. We'll stop for lunch and they're really enjoying the every day, right. Having to go out for coffees with friends and more invested in those type of relationship tips and how we experience loss. And then that comes with a feeling of guilt that I'm not saving.
00:14:59:06 - 00:15:25:21
Oh my God. And the deeper you get into this without changing behaviours, the more that guilt and shame. And then we close down and we don't talk about money and we can't have the underfloor insulation because we just can't. Oh, you know the feeling. So yet if you're that then and you know deep down that there's opportunity to be saving but you're missing.
00:15:25:21 - 00:15:33:03
That opportunity where your values actually might be in conflict and we.
00:15:33:05 - 00:15:35:12
Like people are involved using conflict with each other of.
00:15:35:12 - 00:15:56:21
Course. Yeah. So because it might and this happens because all the way we, we actually manage money changes depending on actually external circumstances as well. Right. So if interest rates have gone up and cost of living has gone up and then it costs more live than we used to. So, you know, whatever things are going to change, right?
00:15:56:21 - 00:16:20:10
Because what we always did is not maybe getting you the results that you used to get. Yeah. So your values might be in conflict, so you might want to, you know, really have great relationships and give give and, you know, and that is who you are innately, maybe if you're a spender, but you might also have a value of safety and security.
00:16:20:12 - 00:16:42:08
And most of us probably do at some level, of course. And if and what I see in a lot of the calls we do, where people get really worried and really nervous is they might have had some savings even. Yes. And now the savings are dwindling. Yes. Because of those things I was talking about in our environment right now is around cost of living increases.
00:16:42:10 - 00:16:57:00
And, you know, if you've got a mortgage, the interest rates have gone up and you don't have as much disposable income as you used to have. So you might have naturally gone out and done some spending and still managed to save in the bucket, went up a bit. And you are comfortable?
00:16:57:00 - 00:16:57:06
Yeah.
00:16:57:08 - 00:17:18:03
Yes. Because you, you know, we all we talk about we have a note, a number sometimes that, you know, that sounds safe no more. Right. And when we get below that safe number and it starts to go down, that causes us to want to spend more effort and energy doing something about it. That might be the trigger to actually look.
00:17:18:03 - 00:17:21:20
At this and that, putting us into that theme. Oh, my gosh.
00:17:21:22 - 00:17:22:16
So that's when.
00:17:22:16 - 00:17:23:15
That and not for.
00:17:23:16 - 00:17:48:20
Safety value is coming up yet that might, you know, contradict that feeling of like because I might have to forego some of that for a while of spending and you know the connection. If I'm spending with connection and stuff, I might have to just rethink that and how I can still get you know, spend the time with the people I love and love them and give and, you know, maybe hold a big party or, you know, whatever you want to do that's there.
00:17:48:20 - 00:18:04:15
I think about that differently. Which one is needed more at a moment in time? That is important and yeah, I'm seeing that a lot right now because people's savings are dwindling and that is making them feel unsafe.
00:18:04:17 - 00:18:25:09
Yeah. And so we talk about like the way to overcome this is to like what you were saying at the beginning of this little segment is that we need to understand our money, we need to understand where it's going. And so if we do, did a bit of an analysis of where, you know, historically we've been spending our money, so we've always got our mandatory cost of living requirements.
00:18:25:09 - 00:18:58:04
And then we have our discretionary spending and then it's whatever's left over is for saving or accumulating assets or paying down debt, whatever we want to do to build our resilience. But if we have got a ball of money going into discretionary spending, we need to really analyse that and prioritise what we want to eat. What needs to stay and what can go if nothing can grow, means we need to be okay with that and come to terms with it and that it is going to be what it's going to be and the savings might run out at some point.
00:18:58:06 - 00:19:20:16
So what I would do with that because that fear and that, you know, that worry that my, my, my savings are dwindling. Yeah. If you know your numbers, you know how long that last. That's right. So just to understand that, then you've got your payment information to make a decision on what to do next, you need to know rather than it just going down.
00:19:20:18 - 00:19:34:22
If it keeps doing this, how sure am I or if I keep doing that, how long will it last? You might run different scenarios, right? You might say, okay, well, if I cut the discretionary in half, how long does it last? If I have no discretionary, how long does it last?
00:19:34:22 - 00:19:53:01
If I chop down you know, my subscriptions and, you know, X, Y, Z, if you know where your money's going, you can easily see where the decisions need to be made. And then you're making an empowered decision whether you decide to change anything or not. You'll then become in the driver's seat.
00:19:53:03 - 00:20:06:00
You also give yourself notice to give yourself time, hopefully to make choices because you cut a plan.
00:20:06:02 - 00:20:08:15
And then you know what's going to happen instead of it just happening to.
00:20:08:15 - 00:20:29:09
That's right. That's right. That is the most powerful thing can do. So if you're in a place where your savings are dwindling and they used to just go up a bit or, you know, I'm also seeing some that are stagnant and I, you know, are not comfortable with that. But mostly they're dwindling in our economy because cost of living has increased.
00:20:29:11 - 00:20:33:23
So that's just a mathematical equation.
00:20:33:23 - 00:20:49:11
And the other thing is to what is that we need to link our savings to go right. So this is where we I have to go. I go for insulation and you have got a go fund for your bit, right. So that money hasn't been allocated.
00:20:49:11 - 00:20:49:13
Yeah.
00:20:49:14 - 00:20:59:16
It's all on the same page with Dennis. I have been on say at 330 that we've got a million priorities. We need to decide on what it is that we're saving for or whatever.
00:20:59:21 - 00:21:00:20
And I was going to say.
00:21:01:00 - 00:21:06:19
Create creates motivation and then be like, well, how? Yeah, we can let go of X-Y-Z because these things are more important.
00:21:06:19 - 00:21:33:23
Well, you need the burning platform because if you've got to cut down discretionary to make this bit work and you know, and keep that number where it is, if that's your emergency number or whatever, it's got to be a burning off platform. So yeah, even if the goal if there's a little bit left over above the emergency and there's a goal, but it might take you longer, you know, you've got to have a reason is what I'm saying.
00:21:33:23 - 00:21:50:00
You need a reason and it might be just safety or it might be fund yet emergency or it might be what is the goal and knowing how long the goal is going to take? Yeah. To actually be okay to shift the money from discretionary to right.
00:21:50:03 - 00:22:09:19
So for example, if your goal is I'm going to pay my home loan off in ten years, but that's not realistic because you haven't done the numbers and put it in a calculator to understand whether you've got that surplus cash flow to hit that goal and then you don't achieve it because you can't see it happening. We can give up on our goals.
00:22:09:19 - 00:22:31:04
Anger. I'm bad with money, I'm useless, and then we're all back in our home. So we need to sense check the really the realistic nature of these goals and what is achievable work. Because it might not be that I can pay my home loan off in ten years, but I can pay it off and 22 or whatever it is, or do you know what I mean?
00:22:31:04 - 00:22:39:00
And then you know, you're on track, you know, in your self that you're doing the best that you can and you're allocating your money to the things that you most want to.
00:22:39:02 - 00:22:55:22
That's right. That's it. That's done for today. With that. Yeah. Hopefully, you know, just check your numbers, you know, and do some scenarios. How long is that money going to last if it's dwindling and Yeah. Or how much extra can I put in the bucket.
00:22:56:00 - 00:23:09:18
And the last lever that we always say to look at is your income. Yeah. Look at all the other things first. Yes. Where's the money going, You know, what are the goals. And then the very last labour is in our income.
00:23:09:20 - 00:23:12:07
That's right. And you still work with what you can do with that.
00:23:12:07 - 00:23:17:15
Optimise what you have first and then if you're able to, to achieve more income, have a plan for that too.
00:23:17:21 - 00:23:45:15
Yeah. And that feels so much more empowering then change to a job, right? Just don't go down that path for a minute because it depending on whether you like your job or not or what you do for money. But you know, again, I see people that they're just going out and getting second jobs. Right. So maybe they've got a full time, day to day job and they going to be an Uber driver at night just to bring in that extra money to keep everything else the same.
00:23:45:15 - 00:23:50:09
Because you might just be, Yeah. Keeping everybody happy or you instead of like changing something.
00:23:50:11 - 00:24:19:07
You've got less time, you've got less people, time with the people you love, you're going straight to. Income is not always the answer. It is good to understand the it's the picture. And Ismail said, optimise the risk first and then, you know, look at the quadrant if you need to of income. Yeah change. Yeah. So now we our educational segment today is our view on why your money story shapes your behaviour.
00:24:19:07 - 00:24:43:05
Yeah, so we love, we just like love like the team save you all black in finance people let's say hey, what do you think about this? What's the right thing to do with your credit card? And we're like, We are pretty strong on our team saviour of things. And yeah, so that's the one that we want to talk about today is just our belief and at what we can call what we call our money story.
00:24:43:05 - 00:25:07:00
So often it's actually very one I want to touch back on our truth. So we talked about our, you know, truth and what we believe to be true or what we can have or what we can't have is really linked to our belief system. But that belief system is ultimately starts from our very own childhood and the experiences and how we grow up with money, which is our money story.
00:25:07:06 - 00:25:21:03
Right? And so if, you know, there might be all sorts of beliefs that has come out of your years of money story that is actually dry, giving your position today. Yes, we do.
00:25:21:03 - 00:25:25:14
We want to talk about our own money stories and beliefs and. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:25:25:14 - 00:25:26:20
I think that's a good place to start.
00:25:27:00 - 00:25:27:20
I'm going to go first.
00:25:27:20 - 00:25:30:03
Okay. Okay.
00:25:30:05 - 00:26:05:16
So when I was growing up, I felt like we could spend whatever we had, like as a family unit, and that fluctuated from time to time. So when my dad, he worked in a bank and he was the bank manager, I felt like he was on quite good money compared to maybe my friends. And when I was halfway through primary school, my mum had educated or gone to university and and started working as a nurse during shift work.
00:26:05:16 - 00:26:28:08
And then at the same time, my dad started. So mum was working full time. He then went and started his own business doing mortgage broking and that's in mortgage working. It was, it's a little bit. You say highs and lows in that money wise, and we could tell like when he was doing really well, we could do things.
00:26:28:08 - 00:26:47:21
And I remember he had this money jar like it was a money drew and it was full of gold coins. He would say these gold coins. And I'm pretty sure we never said like, oh, stealing from that little money jar draw, draw. And I'm sure he knew. I think so. If we ever needed money for a thing, you guys had the money, but my other friends didn't.
00:26:48:03 - 00:26:51:19
I just thought I always had a pocket will go coins to do.
00:26:51:20 - 00:26:53:11
With the first one anyway.
00:26:53:13 - 00:26:59:06
And we always had, you know, like really nice clothes and.
00:26:59:08 - 00:26:59:14
But then.
00:26:59:14 - 00:27:06:17
Sometimes so we had, we came across like we had lots of things and we had a nice house and things like.
00:27:06:17 - 00:27:18:03
That. I'll ask you a question. You think when that view of that. Yeah. In it from an external point of view, yeah. That you were accepted more.
00:27:18:05 - 00:27:30:09
And why. I can't. I never thought that. I never thought that but I had all I remember is like I had a best friend and she goes you always get everything. Like when it came to Christmas.
00:27:30:09 - 00:27:31:10
They were envious of you.
00:27:31:10 - 00:27:54:07
Envy. I envy my best friend. She was like, I wanted that. I remember saying, Oh, we've got a PlayStation. I'm like, I didn't even want a PlayStation. She goes, That's all I wanted. And you got it. You always get what I wanted. So I knew that there was campari's thin. And then I also knew that sometimes we didn't have a lot of money, but then people thought we did.
00:27:54:10 - 00:28:06:03
But then we couldn't do things. And I was like really confused about that, about it because it was never consistent. And so it was like fake. I always felt like it was fake. The money that we had.
00:28:06:05 - 00:28:08:23
Hmm, let's find an even real. Yeah, right.
00:28:09:00 - 00:28:29:13
And then and then so behind the scenes, when things weren't good, I could hear my parents talking about times being tough or at being hard or what they're going to do. And then I thought, I've always thought, well, we didn't need all of that stuff. And I was actually envious of my friends who had less, who seemed to be more consistent.
00:28:29:14 - 00:28:43:00
Yes. Mhm. Yes. Hmm. It was so weird. And then, um, but I know that it was my and so the way that, that shaped my behaviour.
00:28:43:01 - 00:28:44:10
How do you behave because of it.
00:28:44:11 - 00:29:08:00
Adult I would say that I probably do the opposite. I haven't always, I was probably started off being very similar, thinking that I needed a big house and I have a big house and then I started realising that I didn't want the same outcomes and then I started being more conservative with money. You know, I think I was building more awareness too.
00:29:08:02 - 00:29:27:00
And now it's got to the point where I'm quite boring and now my parents can't understand why I won't just jump on a plane and come and see them at the drop of a hat or like make money. I'm more prepared with my money or savings are really important to me. Like, I've definitely got a safe number. My safe numbers 30 to $50000.
00:29:27:00 - 00:29:47:13
Like it. It's not there. Yeah, I don't feel safe. Yeah, and I didn't. I don't think my parents had that, but it looked like we probably had it. Yeah, but I didn't feel like it was real, so I. Now I can see how there is behaviours and beliefs that I have a shaping my daughter. Like she thinks that I'm really stingy.
00:29:47:13 - 00:30:05:16
We don't do things and it's a lot now, whereas I'm trying to build that consistency so I don't have to worry and fear about my future. So I can see five and ten years ahead of me because it makes me feel safe. Yeah, and I would rather do that because it just changes the way that I feel inside.
00:30:05:18 - 00:30:07:14
Yeah. To feel safe. Yep.
00:30:07:18 - 00:30:20:19
Yep. Would you as you unpack some of that, is there anything that you want to change about anything?
00:30:20:21 - 00:30:21:20
I think it's hard because I feel like your belief is it's hard to keep money.
00:30:26:17 - 00:30:31:13
Oh, it's not hard to keep money.
00:30:31:13 - 00:30:33:04
So you going to hang on to it?
00:30:33:06 - 00:30:43:05
I think it's hard to be. Have like I will always. Oh, it's easy to lose. That's probably have I would say easy to lose, easy to lose.
00:30:43:07 - 00:30:45:20
To belief It's caused is it's easy.
00:30:45:20 - 00:30:51:10
To lose protect it it will go easy and then I what am I going to do then. Right. That's probably my so.
00:30:51:10 - 00:31:11:18
That is something, you know, for everyone out there. So what is that? So, you know, Mills, you know, explained to money story and now she's got this belief it's easy to lose. So I must look after it. Yeah. And how does that play out as time goes on and I some of it could serve you. Some of it may not.
00:31:11:19 - 00:31:27:03
Yeah. Yeah, I know. And I do find it hard because it's not how my, my family system has operated so that I feel like I'm a little bit of the black sheep and that I have to kind of nobody understands me while doing it.
00:31:27:06 - 00:31:40:06
So when something happens in your life and you feel like you've it's actually you've lost it, right? How does that impact you? What has gear? Because has because you've kept it, You've maintained it. I don't.
00:31:40:06 - 00:31:41:16
Have any proof in my.
00:31:41:16 - 00:31:45:00
Room because some time, yeah, sometimes things happen.
00:31:45:00 - 00:31:51:00
I had less it when I was younger. But you have money. It never worried me so silly. It's like an unfounded belief.
00:31:51:02 - 00:31:53:19
Yeah. Yeah, right.
00:31:53:21 - 00:31:55:05
Yeah. An experience.
00:31:55:05 - 00:32:09:12
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But. But I suppose what I was thinking is, at times in our lives, say someone doesn't have as much work. So, you know, I, you, you went back to work at some point or yet to keep it consistent. Yeah.
00:32:09:13 - 00:32:10:23
We've got to pay bills.
00:32:11:00 - 00:32:12:17
Right back to that old.
00:32:12:17 - 00:32:15:23
Right thing. Right. What are you going to do.
00:32:16:01 - 00:32:28:02
So you'll save it at all costs? Yeah. Yeah, but that's a pretty common feeling, right? But yeah, just, but that consistency. So what I heard in that it's consistent and I will protect my money.
00:32:28:04 - 00:32:32:05
I'm looking for consistency. Yeah. And that's making me feel safe. Yeah.
00:32:32:07 - 00:32:37:04
Yeah. And again, it's not good or bad. It's actually. You feel like that serves you.
00:32:37:06 - 00:32:46:12
Yeah. And I think that I'm at this baseline and then I don't know if things were to change. I think, you know, I'm okay to change.
00:32:46:15 - 00:32:48:18
Does it, does it limit your growth?
00:32:48:20 - 00:32:55:21
Probably. I'm sure it does, because I'm in my safe zone. And to get.
00:32:55:23 - 00:32:58:09
Training to be safe, stay comfortable. Yes. Yeah.
00:32:58:13 - 00:33:07:00
Yes. So the don't cry. Am I willing to take your risk to move out of that? Yeah. I've been really limited on that. I would say.
00:33:07:02 - 00:33:25:04
There's always and the point is I guess I'll raise that because there's there'll be good things maybe, you know, it's not balanced sometimes they'll be more good than what you view as more good than bad or more bad than good. But it is what it is when you can't, you can't, but it will be playing out how you live.
00:33:25:04 - 00:33:26:22
Today about us.
00:33:27:13 - 00:33:28:23
And our fees.
00:33:29:01 - 00:33:56:23
That's right. The gold in it is to really spend time in your money story and unpack it because understanding that like what it's caused me to do this is what it was. This is the belief system. It's generated in me and this is how I live because of it is this, this bit says me, this bit does not because you've got a choice what to drop and what to keep on.
00:33:56:23 - 00:34:17:01
I've talked about this many times before, but journaling has helped me and I'm sure it's an ongoing there's layers and layers and lies of depth that you can keep going. I'm sure it's not all done and dusted. If we keep challenging ourselves on these things, we'll learn more and more about ourselves all the time. And then you know how you know that is.
00:34:17:01 - 00:34:52:00
You know how that those beliefs are. You know why we live the way we do because of those beliefs. That is everything. That is actually what I've really guess those light bulb moments that I'm unpacking now, definitely even more to another deep level over the last few days. So yeah, my money story and I don't know whether we've got time, I'll try and do the quick version and maybe another day I'll do a TV version is that I grew up on a farm in Tasmania.
00:34:52:01 - 00:35:19:13
I was a first born to a farmer and in our history farming you own the land, but boys own the land because their name takes the land and is passed through generations. I was a girl obviously, and I was even though I was first born. That is not how it rolled it. And I have a brother who's four years younger and you know, it was to be left, you know, to that.
00:35:19:13 - 00:35:52:13
So it's all about land, inheritance, things like that. But what that caused me to do from a very young age, even though I didn't realise it till I started journaling in the last couple of years, is all those beliefs I'm now. The first belief is women are less than me and I don't agree with that. I have a very strong belief of equality, but I've spent my life trying to prove that and it all stems from the what I mean by that.
00:35:52:13 - 00:36:26:12
I've bought family property next door. I've invested, I do money for life. I've been trying to be seen in my dad's eyes as being equal, as a human and trying to, you know, not be seen through gender yet. So that is massive. So that belief, you know, that, you know, equality is really important, but the feeling of it's lesser if you are female, you Alyssa and fighting to be equal.
00:36:26:12 - 00:36:28:13
The belief in everything that I do, the behaviour.
00:36:29:19 - 00:36:30:15
The belief.
00:36:30:20 - 00:36:34:11
That you will lesser drove the behaviour to show you that I'm.
00:36:34:16 - 00:37:04:14
Not. That's right. Yep. So no matter what I do, I've always worked. So how is that played out? I have always worked because if I unpack that, because generally and definitely not from a negative point of view in our society, women are the primary care givers and I believed if you're the primary care giver and you are not earning money in your.
00:37:04:16 - 00:37:10:04
Role, Darlene is a woman. You're just meant to be the primary role. I'll show you that I do not have to.
00:37:10:06 - 00:37:21:02
And that is a lesser role. So in my belief was that's a lesser role. So no, no, no, I will work. I will, you know, climb the corporate ladder of us role.
00:37:21:02 - 00:37:25:06
I to the man so that he can do the things right so men don't.
00:37:25:12 - 00:37:28:18
And actually it shouldn't be the belief in our society.
00:37:28:18 - 00:37:36:01
Belief systems whether they're right or wrong. You know, we attach feelings and emotions and power behind it.
00:37:36:04 - 00:37:52:04
But this is does then owning who we are, not about maybe what roles we play, but it did generate it has generated that I'll be lesser if I stay home and be a primary caregiver and don't earn as much money.
00:37:52:07 - 00:38:03:12
So it's all subconscious beliefs kind of we grow them and then we do these stupid, absurd things that we're trying to protect ourselves all the time. Always. Always. Yeah. Yeah.
00:38:03:14 - 00:38:04:14
Protect and safety.
00:38:04:19 - 00:38:10:12
Yeah. And because money is our system that we work in, it really plays out in that way.
00:38:10:14 - 00:38:27:07
So the point being is that I understand your story and your belief system, your money story, how that shapes your beliefs and what your beliefs have been. And you might have changed those or you may not have. And if you can have that light bulb, it is life changing.
00:38:27:07 - 00:38:47:06
Yeah, I mean, you can even look at it backwards and go, These are all the behaviours that under our cape doing is why I keep doing that. Yeah. Do you hate doing it? Why do I keep doing it? And then it'll lead you back and it's something that's happens usually when you were pretty young that formed your safety mechanism.
00:38:47:11 - 00:38:54:23
Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, I have a think about it. You can change what you believe to be true. I can change your behaviours, people.
00:38:54:23 - 00:38:56:16
You certainly can actually.
00:38:56:16 - 00:38:59:14
With good friends calling you out on it.
00:38:59:16 - 00:39:19:03
Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's right. And maybe, you know, actually I love that because, you know, pay it forward. It is a reason I live with you. Talk and share that story with somebody else. Because you know, a lot of this sits in our subconscious and we're not even aware. So, you.
00:39:19:03 - 00:39:23:02
Know, and there's no right and wrong. We're all go and someone knows why.
00:39:23:07 - 00:39:52:00
She is not talking about this thing with money and that we're very, very strong. The way to break down the ego, the stigma, money has the guilt and the shame money has is that we normalise it. And that just means starting to talk about it in a very the informational matter of fact. Why? Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, maybe it won't hold as much power in our society.
00:39:52:02 - 00:39:55:00
There's a drain of it.
00:39:55:02 - 00:39:59:10
Go all right well over and out and we'll see you next time. But, but.
00:39:59:12 - 00:40:10:04
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